Topic: Leadership in Conflict:
Speaker: Kane Minkus
Where does conflict come from?
- Different “maps” of reality
- Attention is on answering a different question
- Different levels of experience
- Different belief systems
The Real Essence of Conflict.
- (Audience volunteers these: Competition, different needs, fear, survival, trust)
- Safety. Guarding our belief systems and what we experience to be right from wrong.
- Love/Belonging. To our family system, to own ecological system.
We don’t separate away from these when we go to work, and we will do anything to keep these stabilized.
In A Conflict.
- Defense of Belief.
- Focusing on the gap (what are the concerns? What is right now v. what would you like? Everything else is focusing on the gap.) Focusing on the strategy to get to where we want? What happens when you focus on the gap (concerns), the gap widens.
- Arguing with the example?
From Challenging to Listening
In a conflict, we are often challenging rather than listening.
Resolving Conflict.
- Rapport (especially deep rapport) is how we know we are safe with each other. Two processes are in place: Are we safe? What is the quality of our life? Literally gives the brain the signal that “we are alike.”
o Physical – Getting to the same body language with the other person
o Vocal – Tempo, pitch, tone of the other person speaking.
o Keyword Backtracking – Using back keywords that the other person just said.
o Breathing -
- Discovering the IPO
All behavior has a positive intention. IPO = Intended Positive Outcome.
People are always doing the best they can.
